Excuse Me While I Yell

Well, It's a fact. I'm bitter. I've spent my entire life being an optimistic, glass half full person. Yet within 5 months, I've become a bitter, partly unhappy person. I can't be happy about the little things anymore because they hurt when they end. I know someday things will be alright, but I'm apathetical at this point. I'm bitter over Rachel, her parents, my summer, my senior year, but mainly I'm bitter at myself for the mistakes I've made. No matter how hard I try or believe that I've forgiven myself, I haven't. I haven't found that place yet. I'm searching for it desperately, but it's hidden. All I can really muster is prayers to God, begging for his help and some rest and that he will give me the strength to get through it, because it's a fight. A real hard fight. Once I'm going, I have to put on this fake, life is great face and usually the happier I look in fact the more beat down I am. I can't just be depressed anymore, it's looked down on a lot of the time as annoying or sinful almost. that somehow you aren't trusting God or you've deserved pain or that because you are saved, you can't be depressed. It's hard at school, it's toughest at church. I'm thankful for friends but because they aren't in this pain with me, I still tend to feel alone. I really believe in myself most days, but sometimes I have no faith in myself. Thankfully, I'll see deliverance at some point. =)

Be Doers!

As a Christian, I live in the greatest time and place, I could possibly hope for. The most impactive Christian known would have to be Paul of Taurus. He went from persecuting Christians to spreading the faith further than any single man has since. He did all of this without bibles, transportation, communication, protection and so on. It was dangerous to be a Christian! So dangerous, he was beheaded! Jump ahead 2000 years and here I am. I live in a country that allows me to practice AND share my faith, I have cars, planes, trains and boats. I have phones, paper\pens, computers, TV, radios, books AND the bible. I am given this HUGE opportunity! Look at social networks like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. I am connected to THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of people. If me and a few others, put our minds to it and have that Fire in our hearts like Paul had, we can literally change the world. Forget Obama and change and hope. You want to be heard and make a difference? Campaign Christ. You want change? Bring it about with faith and witnessing and testimony! You want hope? Look to Christ! Help others see that hope too! Look around and figure out who around you, you aren’t sure is saved. Do you want to be partly responsible for their home in hell? Think about it.

Stuck in the System's Box

I want to go outside. I don’t want to look at trees through windows as if they are on display at a zoo. Or is it me who is in the cage? It feels like one. We take these classes that a lot of, we never use again. It’s not to learn, it’s for the sake of the system. They teach us facts and points, no HOW to learn. What happens when we leave here? When we haven’t been taught how to keep learning throughout our lives? There’s a song by a man named Jack Johnson. It’s called “Breakdown” and there is a part that says,

“The wisdom’s in the trees, not the glass windows.”

We learn through experience, not facts. How many times have you really learned much at a zoo? Not much, the little you do is from your observations with the animal, aka your experience. The same goes for life. If the world ended today, would I really want to be found in a school? Why not be found out in the world, learning FIRST hand how it is. Our system is dead and we don’t realize it and if it doesn’t change, the world and everything in it will slip from our fingers. It’s time for us to break away from our fogged and distorted paradigm and see what we forgot was around us. Take in God’s world.

Welcome to My Soapbox...

August 26th 2009
Having a dream or believing in something no one else believes in, is the hardest and most taxing thing an individual can go through. When others don’t believe in it, than you tend to have obvious emotional and mental stress, but they take physical aspects too. You put so much energy into strength, determination, resilience, perseverance, that you become tired. You become slower, sluggish, even. After a while your personality starts to weaken, you become duller, less interested, and apathetical. The thing is, if you ever let yourself get to that point, you either are stubborn, or have something valuable. If that’s the case, then you have to push through, never stop, never give up, you have to stand up and surprise everyone. You have to say “this is my dream, I will stop at nothing to reach it. If you don’t want me to reach it, that’s fine, I don’t care.” You have to take every compliment and use them, let them life you up. Every insult, put under your feet to bring you higher. Rejoice in friends who stand by you, let go of the pain when they leave. If you have a dream: FIGHT, KICK, and SCREAM. Don’t let anyone take away your hope or potential. You have ONE life, ONE chance, it’s all or nothing. Most of all have faith, believe in yourself, give love to others and never hold anything against anyone.